you're a mystery yourself
ok so i guess, i'm the official loser now!
and everyone else like are luckier than me!
i feel so bad! like so down!
i'm seriously sick, really sick of talking about uni app already! and its always ya i got already at the other sid and i'm always no i'm still waiting!
why like that!
how long can i hold on to my patience you tell me!
esp when all around me everyone's successful except me!
i'm really sad and down!
and you know whats the worse part! my parents have given up! its really hard when you have no support at all and you are just holding on to that thin line of hope alone and as hard as you can!
and then another side is the well known silence again!
who do you think i am! one time you are like my confident then next time you dissappear!
can you stop playing with my feelings pls!
stop it really!you are hurting me in that process of playing. its fun for you not for me, so pls!
one time you are there another time i'm standing alone and feeling so lonely!
argh!i feel like giving up but somewhere inside me something is just telling me not to! so dun play with my feelings at this moment!
thanks!
i do not have support and people to cheer me on so do not play with my feelings!
i feel weak but i'm not giving up!
just when i need someone no one's there
life is tretaing me extremely nicely
&the beauty.
hmph!!!!!! I AM STILL WAITING!!!!
&the beauty.
yo ppl! supposed to be sleeping now but I AM HAVING MIGRAINE!!!!
so cant sleep so i'm blogging!
but seriously idk what to blog also!
1.bro's birthday was good except from the start to the end of the birthday everybody was telling something to me every second! so i was like running everywhere to get ppl stuff and do things for them - i've to add IN MY HEELS!!!!
gosh! you know how painful my feet and leg is now!!!!
goodness!
damn painful!
and in between have to pose for photo and i had to keep my cool head and stop myself from bursting cos i was like a super imporatant person there! - the organiser!
but overall it went well!
2.i spoke out my feelings! yes i feel better but i still feel sad! idk why! but whatever the reason hopefully my mood lifts bcos i hate this moody me!
i think i did the right thing whatever it was and i dont feel guilty anymore!!
yup
3. NUS rejected me! i was super heartbroken when i saw that they reject me but i guess i just have to except the fact that i dint get it! but just that it has been like my dream for like 15 years! so yup i do feel upset!
and plus it is even worse cos i havent received any letters from any other university as well!
i think my option left would be appeal or james cook uni!
but i guess if i really want to study then surroundings should really not bother me!
but i still have a tiny weeny hope that ntu will accept me! i'm still not giving up! my parents gave up already but i havent! i still have hope that i'll be accepted!
yup!it may sound foolish but i still have the hope!
4. class outing today but couldnt go!
went to choose the photos of my bro's 21st birthday!
i should say the photos were really nice! i'll upload when i get them!
but sure in facebook!
5. i love my family! even if they sometimes ccan give up on me, they nvr fail to cheer me up!- esp my cousin!
6. i want say something else but i guess i shall not or it may land me in a difficult and complicated situation!
so um ask me if you want to know!- chances if you're close to me i sure tell you!
7. the photo below, my bro and i, i was wearing super high heels but still i'm shorter than him!!!!! imagine i nvr wear heels! i would be so short!!!!
8. i m logging off! bye peeps!idk how many ppl still ead my blog lah but still bye!
&the beauty.
k i'm back from my bro's 21st birthday!
it was good!
but i was having migraine!
from yesterday!
i am so tired i havent even take my make up off!
i'm really tired!
it was good - the party really!
went there early to take photo and do up the decoration and stuff!
my eyes closing!!!!! i havent take out my contacts also!
ah!!!!
so tired!
but there were many late comers!
tues theres' 09s29 meet up! but i dunno whether i can make it!
may not be able to make it!ve to go colllect the 21st birthday photos then evening ihave tuition! so i dunno!
k i cannot think of what to blog and i am gonna do something important now so bye!
i
&the beauty.
k i cant take it anymore! so i'm blogging this!
if it doesnt make sense to you then um dont bother reading!
and its not that ive hurt someone intentionally or did something wrong, i just feel i should say this!
k here it is!
i'm really sorry to a particular person!
i dont know why i'm saying sorry but i feel that i have to do this!
i dont really know if i have ever hurt your feelings, but if i have then i'm sorry! i'm really sorry cos i nvr intended to hurt you. never. really
but i think whatever you are going through now is becos of me! and i feel guilty for that! i shouldnt feel guilty but i am!
i dunno if sometimes you do something on purpose to get my attention( i should say yes you did get my attention), but those things you have commented has made me ponder if i have hurt you!
i know how you feel! i really do trust me!
i know you have everybody around you but i think you still feel hurt
i'm really sorry about that, and i really think you should just come and talk to me about it! i will understand and i promise to understand and listen!
i feel sad and hurt that i hurt you.
i'm really touched at the effort you made and the little things you did and tried and i really appreciate it! i respect you alot!
but maybe its bcos i'm not as brave as you ive to admit, i am shy yes and i can be abit stubborn, that i cnt do what you do and did!
i am afraid i'll hurt you, i'm afraid i'll hurt people around me and around you and maybe afraid of myself.
i'm sorry i am being like that, but i cant help thinking of others b4 myself and hurting you in that process! i'm deeply sorry!
i feel we should make the friendship between us stronger rather than let it sink! but if it is a pain for you to talk to me than its okay, i'll move away silently.
but i'll definetly rmb you bcos i do not keep my friends im my head but i keep them in my heart, everyone of them and of course you as well. you have been great and will continue being great in my mind.
i should say your absence has definetly made me think in another way and your silence towards me has really made me reflect let alone make me feel lonely!
if you still read my blog, i'm saying it again i'm sorry and hope you'll forget everything! thanks and hope to hear from you soon! and sorry again:)and hopefully this message gets across!and i think if you can read bwtn the lines i'm sure you'll get the message!
i actl feel better now!
&the beauty.
k i'm back blogging!
firstly its my bro's 21st birthday today, so happy birthday bro!
i bought him an ex polo tee and a brooch to go with his vest for his birthday outfit.
okay!
shall update now!
1. I STILL HAVENT GET AN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT YET!!!!
2. mothers' day celebration- cousin and i planned a picnic by the sea
and surprisingly my mum agreed! hehe! so sunday afternoon went down to east coast park and celebrated mothers' day! we brought home cooked food like - egg mayo sandwhich, sausages, fried chicken and cake oh and mee siam specially cooked for us by my uncle!
my cousin and i had the most fun cos we were the most excited and mad ones!
haha! we played at the beach, picked up seashells, took photos, played frisbee( which was a failure bcos of the super strong wind), played volleyball( where i came to know mum played great volleyball!), cycled(the bicycle was too high for me cos my bro took it and we took turns to ride, i had to tip toe to climb onto it and my feet couldnt touch the ground hen i sat on it!!!!), laughed alot and got sunburned!!!! yay! overall i had a great time! oh i bought mum a bag, my maternal aunt and grandma cake, small bouquets for paternal aunts!
3. bro's birthday party,
cake to be ordered - done
happy birthday wordings - done
bro's birthday outfit - done
confirm dj - done
decorations for the tables - done( and i tell you its baskets which i took coloured wires and put in beads and wrapped ribbon around the sides - to just do one it takes almost 1.5 hrs)
confirm no. of ppl attending with safra - done
my dress - done
almost everything done!
but still need buy chocolates, gifts for children, and gifts for the games!!!!
and think of my hairstyle! hehe!
yay! glad almost everythings done!
4. i m feeling lonely! talk to me pls!
k byes!
&the beauty.
the question was always "why me?"
but now i'm asking "why not me?"
everyone in the world is getting answers, oppurtunities, golden chances, bright futures
except me!
you know its fustrating!
really fustrating!
ah!!!! why not me!!!
i am really fustrated!
thats one!
another one i'm getting fustrated at someone cos he is obviously not appreciating anything at all! like what the hell!
like i'm doing so much but i dont see that little appreciation and thanks in his face!
how irritating!
thridly i think i'm getting so fustrated bcos i m sick at the moment!!!
and its really sickening to be sick at such a time!
and another thing i'm fustrated at is tuition!
everything dunno everything no!
if you dont help yourself how the hell am i suppose to help you dude!
yup!
&the beauty.
